Late night. Kind of. Well, I am tired, so it feels kind of late. My legs are very sore right now. I think I am going to use the super roller thing to roll out my legs. Race tomorrow for CIF. I wish my parents would come watch me run. My dad has only watched one of my races. It was a cross country race though. I am not great at cross country. Good, but not great. I want them to see me run my race. My eight hundred meters. When I first started running they did not approve of me running. I want them to see where I have been, where I have gone, and where I am now. I want them to know that these past years have not been wasted. I want them to say in their mind, "That is my son," as I cross the finish line. They have witnessed my fall and now I would like them to witness my rise.
The darkest point in my life has passed many years ago. The hole was very dark. At first I sat idly. I did not know what to do. My morale was low. My existence rotted away. My body became a vessel which harbored nothing. My spirit had dissipated. Slowly I began to run my fingers along the dark walls of the pit I had fallen into. The darkness constantly attacked me. Keeping me away from the world. "What had happened?" I asked myself over and over. The loneliness caved in on me. A cold wall was built around my heart.
At the bottom of the pit I could see the faces of my family. Their expressions were neither happy nor sad. Anger did not stain their faces. My father was the first to turn his head away. My mother and sisters held out their hands to me. I waved their hands away. I did not want to be bothered. Without too much realization I had begun to seclude myself from everyone. I was emotionally fragile. Greatly damaged. This may have been the reason for my oddity to others. I could not enjoy the many things other teenagers enjoyed. I could not find the motivation to pick up my feet. Faces passed by. I simply held my head down.
A year passed and I still kept myself away. In the process though I had discovered the magics of running. Running was like a ladder that had descended from above to the bottom of the dark, cold pit. Slowly but surely I climbed the ladder. The beam of light gradually became brighter and bigger. As I ran more and more it became closer and closer until my finger tips finally touched it. It was the turning point of my life. I had fallen. It was my time to rise once again.
Running had saved me from myself. I do not think my parents know that. I do not think many people know that. When people ask me why I run I usually smile and reply, "It is fun." It is much deeper than that. I started to run because it felt good. The stinging of the lungs. Burning of the legs. Sweat dripping down the face. The pains melted away. The more I ran the further the problems became.
I do not want my family to believe that I am a worthless burden. I want my father to look at me and believe there is a great seed that has been instilled within me. I do not want him to push me away. When I looked at his tired features my heart sinks. The valleys which form the wrinkles upon his face. His dull, dark eyes that clearly show the tedious hours of work. I can feel a pang of pain in my chest. I do not know if he knows that I feel a heavy burden upon my shoulders. The only son of a family, I feel a special privilege, but also a heavy responsibility.
I was talking to my ex-girlfriend the other day. It was a friendly conversation. I could tell that she was exhausted though. She looked at me as a ecstatically spoke. She then said, "Still the same old Jimmy." I was a little shocked by her words. I was not sure what to say. It was unexpected. Now that I think about though, I am not the same. I am much different. I am much better. I feel slightly offended that she would think that I have not changed. I have changed, and for the better, too.
Of course, the most amazing woman in the world (Melanie) has been floating in my mind while I have been typing. It seems Melanie knows that I like her. Everything seems fine so far, I think. She has not pushed me away or anything. At least that is what I believe. I guess that is fine if that is the case. Melanie looked nice today I was awkwardly looking at her chest. I was about to slap myself. She looked good though. Every day is the best day with Melanie.
Melanin
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